3 Things Your Mom Never Told You About Dressing Like a Man

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Moms are the best, aren’t they? They teach you all kinds of things: how to make your bed, tie your shoes and prepare breakfast. She probably taught you how to treat young ladies and to be nice to everyone. All great advice. However, your average mom isn’t known for providing excellent style guidance. If your mom gave you any advice about how to dress yourself, it was probably along the lines of wear clean underwear, comb your hair and tuck your shirt in. Again — great advice, but it’s time to step things up. Here are three things your wonderful mom never told you about how to present yourself as a man. 

1. Support Thyself 

If you ever went on an overnight scouting trip, your mom was duty-bound to make sure you had a spare pair of clean of tighty-whities in your bag. What a great mom. On one hand, it’s a bummer mommy dearest isn’t packing your bag anymore, but on the other — just say it out loud: “tighty-whities.” Never wear another pair of underwear that could be described as anything close to that.

As a grown man, you should be wearing pouch underwear. Mom would have blushed to help you find some underwear that’d properly support your rod and tackle, but she did her job raising you and now you’ve got to take care of yourself.  

2. The Gel’s Gotta Go  

On picture day, mom probably combed your wet hair into a side part and slathered some goop on top to make it stay in place. The good news is that your hair probably didn’t move, and you were just the cutest little guy there ever was. The gel served its purpose, because now your mother has that adorable picture of you on her mantle. 

Time to grow up. Never purchase hair gel ever again. From here on out, use pomade instead. Your hair should never be crusty. Not all holds are the same, so experiment with different products until you find a hair treatment that will hold your hair in place without any kind of crunchiness. If your date can’t run their fingers through your hair without getting grossed out, you haven’t found the right product.

Your gelled-up ‘do sure was cute, but the word your hair should evoke at this point in your life is “handsome.”

3. Basketball Shorts Have One Purpose 

Would you wear a fencing uniform to get groceries? What about football shoulder pads to the optometrist? No? So why on earth would you wear basketball shorts out to lunch? Unless you are on your way directly to or from the court, those shorts shouldn’t go out in public. Wearing basketball shorts as everyday attire is the sartorial equivalent of eating a block of cheese — sure, you might like it, but nobody wants to see that. If nothing else, throw some training pants on over your shorts to look a bit more put together.

Your mom may have dressed you in basketball shorts, but she also used to help you bathe, so there are some things that should change as you mature. 

Your mom did all kinds of amazing things for you. If you want proof of that, watch some footage of a woman giving birth, and then call your mother to tell her how much you love and appreciate her. Her job was to raise a nice young man who would treat people with respect, but the responsibility to turn that cute little guy into a man is yours. Get yourself some proper undergarments, find a good hair product, and wear real pants.

This isn’t all it takes to present yourself as a man who’s worth his salt, but by golly it’s a great starting point. Now go out there and make your mom proud.